You shouldn't
by Adja
Summary: You have to remember 3x18. What if Mac witnessed Dick's outburst ?
1. Yelling, card key and consequences

Mac froze when Dick brushed passed her. He was so much fuming, he didn't even notice her. She smirked. That had went well for an encounter with Dick. She was sure of that, she had had to meet much more than a ghost coming here.

She didn't know why, but she had felt like coming back at the Grant, at this special floor. She'd spent half an hour in a room she'd rented just to prove herself she was able to stand in the room where she'd seen Cassidy for the last time, without breaking down.

And she had.

Mac curiously watched Dick stop before a door at the end of the hallway and take a few deep, loud, angry breaths before knocking.

She couldn't help herself, she walked to the end of the corridor and slow down her pace as she realized that the door was still open and that she could hear Dick yelling.

A man was finishing his sentence. "...I would have come sooner." And Dick shot back angrily. "Like maybe for Cassidy's funeral ?" Mac froze. _Is he talking to his dad ?_ "This is where he died, you know ? I walk by the spot he splattered on every day !" Mac wished she would go, that she could, but she just couldn't get her feet to move, as much as she didn't want to hear the rest of the conversation.

"You think I'm not sorry about Cassidy ?" The man said. "What are you sorry for, dad ? That he's dead ?" So it was M. Casablancas. "Of course." Then Mac's eyes widened when she heard Dick loose his temper.

"You ever think he's dead because of us ? Or that he killed those people because of us ?!" Mac felt like he'd punched her in the stomach. She had been convinced, deep down that Dick felt bad about his brother's death. But actually hearing – eavesdropping – him crack the surface about it was something else. Something... really different, that made her ache. Although M. Casablancas tried to keep him at peace with a 'son', he raged on, edging on hysterical. "We used to have contests to see which one of us could make him cry ! I can barely live with myself sometimes, and it's so much easier when you're not around !"

The room went silent, and Mac tried to close her mouth. Dick stormed out of his dad's apartment and froze at her sight. He was extremely angry and Mac stepped back with fear. She really didn't want him to take it out on her. He whipped his eyes with anger and shot daggers at her. But she got the distinct impression that he would have looked at anything that way.

They were still facing each other in confusion when his father ran out of the room after Dick, also freezing with surprise at the scene. "Son."

Dick turned around to face him, and yelled. "Stop calling me that ! You stopped having sons when you abandoned them !" He shot and look back at Mac, begging her with his eyes. But she didn't understand why, until he took her hand and, firmly turning his back to his father, lead her down the corridor.

He stopped after they turned and let go of her hand. "Thank you." he said, pursing his lips. She shook her head. He ducked his fists in his pockets. "What... are you doing here ?" he asked. Mac shown him the card-key to the room, she had kept holding in her hand. He frowned. "You rented a room ?" he shot her a confused look, calming down a little. She looked down at the key. "I, er... yeah..." He pointed the card. "Is that the key to the room... you had in Grad Night ?" Mac nodded.

She didn't know that he understood what she had wanted to do. She was convinced that he was going to snort and call her a psycho before going. But instead, he shifted feet. "Where ?"

She faced the door for the second time and glanced at Dick at her side, wondering why he wanted to go there. He held out his hand and she put the key in it. He slid it in the lock and pushed the door open. It squeaked a little while opening fully and banged against the wall. They stood there in the threshold. She almost jumped when she felt his fingers close around hers. She peeked at him but didn't meet his eyes. He just squeezed a little when he stepped forward.

He kept squeezing harder and harder as further as they got in the room, until she yelped in pain. He eased off the pressure quickly. "I'm sorry." He said, meeting her eyes. And a light flashed in them. "I'm...sorry." he said, marking the words.

She pressed her lips together, not sure what he'd meant. "I've been an idiot." She nodded. "It's ok." She looked around, the bed, the bathroom, the night and the coffee tables. Dick threw himself on the bed, starring at the ceiling.

Mac considered leaving him the key and getting out, but he patted the bed next to him, without looking at her. She sat.

They remained silent for a while and she finally let her muscles rest and she collapsed beside him, starring at the ceiling too. "You think he's watching ?" Mac uttered after a while. Dick grimaced at the memory of the mess he'd been for the last months. "God, I hope not !" he exclaimed. Mac chuckled, exchanging an amused smile with him.

For the actual first time. And her stomach flipped. He could look so innocent when he smiled genuinely. He reached for her and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. "Mac." he said, like he was learning her name. "You shouldn't be able to make me feel better." Her heart missed a beat and he let his hand drop on the bed again, starring back at the ceiling. "You shouldn't." He closed his eyes, moving his head a little to get comfortable and joined his hands on his stomach.

Stunned, Mac propped herself on her elbows. "What ? You wanna take a nap ? Here ?" He nodded. "I'm moving on and over that fucking night." She sighed, sitting back, pulling herself toward the edge of the bed with he legs. His hand fell on hers, and she jumped. He still had closed eyes. He probably touched her by accident. "Stay." he said, opening his eyes.

She threw herself back, wondering what sick game they where playing. She sighed.

Dick looked around. "So this is where my brother had consented sex for the first and the last time of his life." Mac answered without thinking. "No, he hadn't." Dick gave her a suspicious glance. Beav had told him that she wanted him, so... what ? did she change her mind and played sissy at the last moment ? As much as he would believe that from other girls, he was convinced that Mac would do such a thing. So... she was embarrassed now ? She swallowed thickly. "He couldn't."

Dick clenched his jaws, pushing his head hard against the mattress as he pressed his eyelids together. Tears slid down the sides of his face. "Fucking bastard." it was barely a whisper. She watched him. "Don't pity me." She reached out and touched his hand. "I don't."

She stared at the ceiling again, following a spider making its way to the bathroom. She didn't understand why many people, especially girls, didn't like them. She didn't _like_ them, but wasn't going to start running around screaming everytime she saw one. She was the bigger beastie after all. Dick shifted beside her, he was watching her. That... on the contrary, could make her run around screaming if it lasted. She was about to tell him when he drew closer and she felt his lips in her neck.

Her eyes widened in shock. "Dick..." she whispered, wondering why she was doing so anyway. "What are you doing ?" Dick scooted closer, still kissing her. "I'm kissing you." Mac shivered. "Yeah, I got that part. Can you tell me why ?" her voice was getting hoarse, and she cursed herslef for that, and for not pulling away because it felt so wicked good.

"Dunno. I want you." he whispered nibbing at her earlobe. She gasped and turned to face him. "Dic-.." he caught her lips and sighed. Her eyes widened and fluttered shut in almost the same movement. "I need you." Mac squealed against Dick's lips when he pulled her closer. "You make me feel better." Mac found herself responding to his kiss. "Shhh.."

She crawled a little further above him and their lips parted. He slid a hand in her hair, rubbing the beginning of her neck. She moaned and felt him shiver as she did so. Mac balled her hands on his shirt. His hand reached for her back and he dig his nail on her skin. "Dick !" she let out, against his mouth. She pressed her eyelids together, blaming herself for being so weak and took revenge of him by bitting his bottom lip. He moaned and she thought she was about to lose her mind. "Mac !" he croaked, rolling on top of her, pinning her hands over her head.

She made a silent and playful "oh", and pouted, as he lowered his head. He smiled, kissing her nose. She giggled before he kissed her again.

---

Dick's shirt was on the floor, only his t shirt was left, and he was smiling at Mac, caressing her bed hair, trying to make it look better. She chuckled, her hand resting on his waist. They were facing each other on the bed, propped up on their elbows. Mac was feeling guilty that she wasn't running off. She had a boyfriend, goddammit ! But... Every time Dick brushed her skin with his lips her brain shut down and it was the very first time she'd ever felt that rush.

Dick pressed his lips together. "We should go." he stated. "I'm afraid of what I could do to you if we stay here." She chuckled. He leaned forward and kissed her. Then he picked his shirt off the floor and put it on again, holding out his hand to lift Mac up.

He stopped her before she reached the door and hold her waist, kissing her deeply again. "Thank you."

They got out, eying the room one last time before they closed the door. They stared at each other for a moment, then headed in opposite directions, regretfully letting go of each other's hand.

Mac reached the ground-floor and took a deep breath, checking herself in the elevator's glass. Back to reality. She had something to do.


	2. Aftermath

She saw Dick for the first time after that when she entered the cafeteria with Wallace, Piz and Veronica. He was having lunch with Logan, and she prayed for him not to see her, knowing how unlikely it was as the space was clear and that they were gonna seat, to eat.

She grimaced, when she met his gaze, as she headed to the table which Veronica and Piz had picked. Wallace gave her a concerned look. "You ok ?"

Mac sighed. And cursed God for having such a bad sense of humor when he let Wallace speak as they passed by Logan and Dick's table. "I know it sucks, but being single as its bright sides." She gripped her tray harder when she heard Dick choke. She'd been silly to hope that it would have evaded his attention. She could tell he was glaring at her back. But she studied her meal with a sudden interest.

"You're awfully quiet." noted Piz after a while. Mac jumped and stared at him. "M'fine !" she said, realizing it was a wrong answer as the whole group winced. "I'm sorry... I spaced out." She eyed Dick's back. Of course, he had had to be in her sight, because the last seat left was exactly in the right angle. Thankfully he wasn't facing her. Erm, he hadn't been... cause now, he was, he was studying her, getting Logan's attention.

Mac rose. "I... am not hungry. See ya." she said, racing off. Damn, she had to get out of here. But, noooo... no such luck, Dick was running after her, leaving a puzzled Logan shrugging at her former lunch mates' stares. He caught her arm and spun her around. "You broke up with Max ?" Mac jerked away. "Please !" she begged. "Can we _not _do this here ?"

Dick looked around, realising Veronica was about to come to them, probably taser in hand, and Logan was giving him a 'what the hell, dude ?' look. He dragged her in a hallway. "I did." Mac said, as he let her know he wouldn't let go. "Is it because of what happened ?" Mac snorted. "Duh ! Whadaza think ?!" She sighed, as he looked stunned.

"Look, Dick. This has nothing to do with you. I just didn't feel honest. You can't stay with someone if someone else can make you feel... _like that_." She said. "Plus I had to leave, I cheated."

Dick was staring at her. "So... this has nothing to do with me ?" Dick repeated, almost grinning, conscious that her words proved otherwise. She felt anger take over the embarrassment. "Oh, come on, Dick ! You know it does !" she said, wanting to slap him when the grin widened. She backed away. "Stop... messing with my head, alright ?" she said, storming away. "Mac." he called her back. "Mac !!" But she didn't look back.

Mac wandered in the hallways, getting back to her dorm. Afternoon classes had been a total boredom, but she had had stuff to think about. More than she'd wanted. _Shit, I'm so hungry._ With all that, she hadn't been able to grab something to eat and... well, the three french fries she had had at lunch didn't do the trick anymore.

She entered her room and froze as the door slammed shut behind her. _Am I hallucinating because I'm starving ? _She wondered, as she turned on her heels to open the door again. _Nope. _Here it was, she hadn't dreamed it. A card-key, taped on the door, just under the sticker with her name. _What part of 'stop messing with my head' didn't he get ?_

She sighed, unstacking the key. "Fine."

She parked her Beattle at the Grant, telling herself it was still time to go. But her feet lead her through the hallways and she found herself swaying on her feet, before the door she'd face twice the day before. She slid the key in the lock and pushed the door. Dick was there, but he hadn't acknowledged her presence. He was reading, a walkman on his ears. She raised a brow. _So, he can do two things at the same time... _She could still go.

He must have felt a draft on his legs, since he wore short pants, because he looked up at her. He pulled his earphones off and closed his book. "You came."

Mac shifted feet again, eventually closing the door. "I don't know what I'm doing here." she admitted. He reached for her hand, leading her toward the bed, he made her sit. "Just tell me when to stop." He said, bending forward to kiss her, but she pulled away. "Well, that's a little sooner than expected..." Mac looked down at her feet. "I'm sorry."

He waited until she looked at him again. He wasn't mad. He was puzzled, waiting for her to light the way. "What... happened yesterday ?" she eventually asked. He frowned, studying her. It seems that a wrong answer could scare the hell out of her. "A bloody revelation." he finally said, tentatively tangling fingers with her.

He kissed her hand. "Would you stay here with me ?" She nodded, shyly. "I'll call room service." he winked at her as she exclaimed : "Oh, yes !"

She was lying one her back on the bed, his hand softly caressing her stomach. She turned to look him in the eye. "You shouldn't been able to make me feel good." she accused. He pulled her closer, crashing his mouth on hers. She immediately gripped his shirt and moaned. "Oh, you shouldn't..."


End file.
